You looked smashing in your 4th grade picture...

Here in our little home. Rocky Votolato. Some guy with a guitar. I don't know him very much, or at all for that matter. BFD. He's a musician like me. Only difference is that he has a song that has touched the hearts of many. Maybe you have heard "Suicide Medicine." It's a song I discovered in the summer of 2006 from a girl I loved at the time. She was a good girl. She was capable of good solid love. She could have been something special, alas, she is not. Casie James, I will never love you again. You had me. I was under a spell, and you put me there. My first semester of college, in the summer, I spent many nights talking to you on the phone late at night. I fell asleep in the closet in my bedroom talking on the phone to you. That was a tough one to explain to my roommate, Juanzilla. What a weird one. He was nice though.

Back to you though, Casie James. I remember the night like I remember last night. We had watched Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants in my apartment with one of my roommates and his now wife. I went to the kitchen to get some water, you surprised me by grabbing my love handles, followed by wrapping your arms around my stomache and pulling me close. That's when I thought everything would work out. That night, while walking you home, I had in my mind that I would finally kiss you at your apartment upon accompanying you safely back. You decided to break the news. You were still in love with your ex, Jordan. The one who cheated on you. The one that threatened me, THREATENED ME, after I told him he should treat you better. You haven't changed. The world has matured, we have all grown up. So why are you still the same?

Okay, I have banked this whole entry on a song that brought me back to a time where I met someone I had loved. The song is amazing. He has become famous for the words he sang in a song, which lasted no more than a few minutes. If I am ever known by half the amount of people that know him, I'll consider myself famous.

I know I am loved, and that is what matters. I just think about things a lot.

I was at my cousin's wedding last month, and she is an amazing cousin. Her family is really cool, and I absolutely love them. They got married on a boat in Lake Chelan, they were married by her brother, Kevin. It was a nice ceremony and there were friends and family there, and it was very sincere, I'm very happy for them. After the ceremony, which didn't last long, everyone rushed to the alcohol, or went to the open area upstairs to smoke. Both of those are two of my past addictions. Especially smoking. I struggled for a minute to just say no. I kept calling a lot of my friends, just hoping that someone would answer the phone, anyone at all. No one answered. I was alone, or was I? With a little prayer, I felt better. I went to the farthest away from smoke area upstairs, leaned on the railing looking at the open water, just smiled, and felt a tear run down my face.

I realized I was meant for more than this.

I don't want to sound like a pompous ass. I probably do most of the time anyway. There are a lot of people that are famous for ridiculous reasons. We as a society thrive off of idiocracy, off of things that are crass and just down right wrong. I'm not saying I should be famous, but I want to be famous, and I want to be famous for the right reasons. The things that spur this ridiculousness from me are so random, it could make a grown man cry. Good thing I'm still growing...